To You When You're Missing A Friend,
Written by Briana Kapper
Tonight I chopped vegetables and thought about how friendships change in different seasons. I told someone I'd share what made the grief of losing a friend easier. The thing is, losing friends isn't easy. It's painful. It's heartbreaking. Sometimes it's your fault. Sometimes it's theirs. Other times your circumstances change and you can no longer relate to one another and it's easier to part ways. Time takes its course and people drift apart.
I remember friendships changing in elementary, middle, and high school. Those were nothing compared to the friendships that change in your 20's. When you're in the real world you are not surrounded by potential new friends at any given moment. Your life is filled with work, house duties, relationships, and sometimes marriage or even parenting. When you have friends as an adult you want those friends to be there for the long run. You want to keep the people around who really know you.
But sometimes they don't stick around.
Some friends last through whatever. In my experience, I was one of the last of my friends to get married. I'm now one of the few who has not started a family. My circumstances have been different than those around me. Some people stuck around. Some people could not relate and they drifted away.
It's painful. It is truly a type of grief.
Once you've had enough friendships change, it can be terrifying to make new friends. What if they don't stick around? What if they aren't as good of a friend as friends you've had before? You can ask yourself all these questions. But really, it's worth it to make new friends.
Months and even years down the road, you might reconnect with a friend you lost. It's a sweet thing, that reconnection. But it's also hard. It may not be what it was. You see them with their new best friend. You watch that new best friend experiencing the things you had dreamed about experiencing with your former best friend. It's messy. But it's okay.
It's all okay.
I think the main thing that got me through so many ups and downs with friends was the choice to forgive if forgiveness was needed. It doesn't come easy. Forgiveness isn't easy. I've written letters to friends when we've parted ways. I've asked for forgiveness because sometimes I'm the one who messed everything up. I've also written letters to people to thank them for the role they played in my life for a season. They deserved to know that they were a good friend.
These thoughts might be jumbled, but I'm okay with that. I don't claim to be a writer with perfect grammar or train of thought. But I just want to let you know if you are sad because relationships have changed, you're not alone. It will be okay.
Someone who misses a friend.
Briana Kapper is a Graphic Designer located in Louisville, Kentucky. She spends the evenings working on freelance and creative projects, cooking, and hanging out with her husband and their cat. Weekends are for socializing, going to church, and eating cheese fries. Follow her on Instagram at: @bee.eee.kay